time to move on -lola

[Puck Ryan Cabell]

These last three years had been torture for the young Cabell man. After the loss of his girlfriend, his whole world had slipped out from beneath his fingertips and he could no longer get a grasp on his life. Before her death he had been a straight A student who had the potential to do great things with his life. He was on his way to writing a novel, a novel his English teacher told him could become a reward winning novel. He was on his way to becoming an English Professor just like that of his father. His whole life had been planned out for him down to who he felt was the woman for him to marry. With life things did not always go according to plan and things for Puck seemed to have taken a sudden turn down upside down path. Because after the fire that left his girlfriend dead, his whole world flipped upside down.

He had taken a turn for the worse. He dropped out of college, went back to living at home, and spiraled downhill. He stayed indoors and refused to live his life because how could he? What was the point of living when the person you loved was no longer alive? The person that made you feel whole was dead and there was no way you could bring her back. What was he supposed to do with himself now? For the longest time he didn't know and he honestly had wished he died with her that day. Parts of him even to this day blamed himself for the events of her death. Even though to this day it was still undetermined as to what happened to cause the fire, it never stopped Puck from feeling as if he should have been able to prevent her death.

Now three years later, Puck was just starting to pull himself out from underneath the ground. He was not exactly on the right side of the path but he was mingling between the center of the right and wrong path. He had finally managed to move out of his parents’ home and back into a tiny apartment. He also managed to find himself a job that he loved at the local library. However, the boy still had a long ways to go before he was fully healed again. He still had a long ways to go before he got himself driving on the right path again, back toward college, and back toward the novel, he had been meaning to finish...or even a novel that he felt the need to start, about his lost love. He was getting to the right path but it was slowly.

Walking out of his old dingy apartment, he made his way out onto the streets of town, and trudged his way into a nearby bar. He was never a bar goer until the death of Sara because his mind always wanted to be clean from a headache, and he needed clarity to do well in school. Sara had always been a bigger drinker then himself but after her death every so often, he would show up at a bar, just for a few drinks to take him away for a while. To take him to a place far away from here that he sometimes hoped would lead him back to his lost love. Of course, this never happened and he usually ended up with a massive headache but it never stopped him. Tonight was just one of those nights he just needed to get away for a while. His mother had been nagging him about going out, his friends had been trying to set him up, and he had tomorrow off. It seemed like the perfect night to just sit back with some gin and wash away his thoughts if only for a little while.

"A gin and coke," he asked for, as he sat down at the bar, running a hand through his messy hair.

[/justify]

[Lola Emilia Jefferson]

repair these broken wings

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image: url(http://i758.photobucket.com/albums/xx223/ka7raelizabeth/3346431062_dc458bf3d0-1.jpg); width: 388px; padding-top: 20px; padding-bottom: 20px;] Lola had her first shift at the bar. she was nervous to say the least. she didn’t want to be recognised. maybe she was just kidding herself with the fact that she could do this, that she could be ‘normal,’ because no matter how much she tried, her life would never be normal and she would never be just somebody because of who she was and because of her father. her sister was so unlike her, she was so much more hidden and shy, but Lola did not want to be like that, she liked the attention, very much. Lola didn’t want to hide away, she didn’t want to be a bartender for the rest of her life either. she was still getting acting jobs, and even still considering it, but right now she wanted to get away from everything. away from him and she wanted to get him out of her head. she was still thinking about him and it was driving her mad. why couldn’t she just forget about him? he was the one who cheated, she was already being reminded of it with the tabloids going mad over it and wanting to know her every last move. she walked In and behind the bar, saw a copy of a magazine with herself on the front and tossed it aside, there was no way she wanted to read that. at least the bar looked fairly busy, but she just hoped that loads of people wouldn’t recognise her and ask loads of questions because in all honesty there was no way she wanted that or that she could handle it. she took a deep breath. right….she could handle it, she was big enough and mature enough…..she could do this, even if people asked her questions, she could even say that she wasn’t who they thought she was but that wouldn’t get her anywhere, the press would find out eventually and then out her as being a liar. a short and fat man interrupted her thoughts hey your that actress aren’t you? what you doing working round here? that fiancé of yours sure was wrong to dump you. I definitely would treat tou right he said with a grin. Lola smiled, which was what she did when people told her things like that. she nodded in answer to whether he was right to who he was referring to. I’m working here for a little while…. she instantly regretted what she said, she could see the tabloids now, saying she was quitting. he would probably go to the press and get a load of money for her talking to him, that was why she was going to try and keep her mouth shut now. well don’t quit for good now, you’re a great actress…with a great body he said looking her up and down. though he couldn’t see below her waste because she was behind the bar. uhh thanks….look can I get you a drink? or are you just going to sit and look at me? she asked can I do both? the man asked. Lola sighed, this was not what she had signed up for, she hadn’t contemplated how difficult it would be. she was going to accept a movie as soon as one came up that she liked, then she would be able to quit this job. It definitely was not for her at all. she would have asked the man to leave, but she didn’t actually want to get fired on her first day. everyone else was now staring at her, it was so awkward. she looked over at her boss and took a breath you know what, if you’re just here for me, get out, because I just can’t deal with this she said. the bar emptied out leaving just a few people who were actually drinking and she drew a sigh of relief. she was so glad that was over. It was then a man came in the bar. he ordered a drink and then sat down. Lola made up his order then handed it to him. she was about to say something snarky and rude about him coming in here just to see her, she knew it was big headed and egotistic but sometimes that was who she was. then she saw his face and stopped herself. are you okay? she gave him a kind smile. I’m no therapist but you don’t look too happy she said. who was she to judge? she wasn’t either. you can talk to me if you want, I’ve heard that is what bartenders do quite often she said.

tagged: puck | outfit: here | notes: hope you like this!

credit to kara of caution, shine, & atf.

[Puck Ryan Cabell]

The man had been coming into this bar for quite some time now. He only lived a few blocks away and it was an easy walk. Most often he would stay until close and then stumble himself home. Even with a head very much consumed by booze, he still somehow managed to have some part of his head screwed on right. He knew better than to drink and drive which was why he came to this bar, so he would never chance drinking and driving. When he first lost, his girlfriend in that tragedy parts of him no longer wanted to live, he often felt like he was dying inside, and he no longer knew how to move on. When he finally mustered up the courage to leave his home this was where he fell upon, this bar. Even then, he knew better than to get behind the wheel of a car, which was why he walked. At that time, it wasn’t for his own safety it was for others. He would never forgive himself if he killed someone by being an idiot. His girlfriend’s death haunted him and he often blamed himself for this…but hitting someone in an accident that would be his fault and there was no getting around that. So he drank smart, as smart as one could anyways. He still had his dumb moments, as most consumed by that nasty liquid did.

Sitting on the bar stool, his arms came up and were placed upon the counter. His head falling into his hands to hold up his chin, as he got lost in his own thoughts, and past memories, these ideas popped into his head every so often leaving him trapped inside his mind. Drinking seemed to help ease these thoughts every so often and whenever the man got a chance, he took this opportunity to get rid of them for as long as he could. He was fortunate that he had slowly started to become better, but how much could he really heal? Every time he felt as if he was moving past it, he stopped himself because part of him was honestly afraid to move on from Sara’s death. How could you move on with your life after someone so important to you died? It was like acting as if you accepted their death, and this was not something Puck felt he was completely ready to do, and if he did, he felt like he was letting her down. Even though he knew Sara would never want him to dwell like this, she would want him to live his life, and be happy. She would never wish misery on him.

As his drink was handed to him, he pulled out his wallet and slapped down his money on the counter. He hadn’t planned on giving the woman much attention until she spoke to him, “I’m fine,” he muttered, staring down at his drink absentmindedly, he twirled the liquid around in the glass before taking a swig, and then looking at her. She seemed kind enough, and when he got a decent enough look at her he realized who she was. He could see clear as day why many of the men were staring at her and it wasn’t only because she was famous…she was a very attractive woman, but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind for the time being. That was when it really sunk in as to why the bar was much more crowded than usual. This woman was on the front of many magazines in the past few days and it was clear that many people occupying the bar tonight were here to get a good look at her. Puck here had never been one to really stick his nose into other people’s lives, and that included celebrities. The only thing he really knew about this woman was as of recent she just had a break up, cheating of the sorts. But he only knew what he had read briefly in line at a grocery store yesterday picking up some milk after work. He had been guilty of seeing a few movies of hers before as well, but that was acting and only gave him one small tid bit of info on her…she could act.

“Thanks, but really…I’m fine..” he told her, giving her a reassuring smile.

[/justify]

[Lola Emilia Jefferson]

repair these broken wings

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image: url(http://i758.photobucket.com/albums/xx223/ka7raelizabeth/3346431062_dc458bf3d0-1.jpg); width: 388px; padding-top: 20px; padding-bottom: 20px;] Lola shrugged, she wasn’t going to make the man talk if he didn’t want to, at least he wasn’t like the others constantly staring. It was still pretty packed in the place and she reckoned that people were just buying drinks so they could watch her, which she found pretty creepy if she was honest. wishing I was normal right now she muttered under her breath. Lola could quit, she could quit right now but she wasn’t a quitter. She didn’t like quitting and never had done. even if she was on a movie she wasn’t enjoying as much as she thought she would, the girl would see it though. she wished for once people would stop whispering and talking about her. they weren’t even being subtle. this had definitely been a mistake and now she was stuck doing this stupid job until she found a movie she wanted to be involved in. she couldn’t think of anything worse if every night was going to be like the one she was having tonight, it kept going through her head what she was thinking at the time of getting this job and even WANTING the job. she looked at those around her, they were probably all just in the bar to see her. not that she was big headed or anything, which she could be, but on this occasion she wasn’t in the mood. when another guy came up to the bar, she noticed he had a picture of her in his hand and she rolled her eyes, this was not the time or the place and she definitely was not in the mood for that. look if you’re coming for an autograph then this is not the time or the place she told him firmly I am trying to work she said what do you expect? people are curious as to why you are here, why you’re in this job. have you quit acting? the guy asked as he gave Lola the third degree. You know I could be so much better than that fiancée of yours one other guy piped up. right now Lola could feel the steam coming from her ears, she was not happy and she just really did not want people to think that she was quitting. it wasn’t what this was all about. it was about her getting away from New York, and maybe having a bit of peace and quiet. she had forgotten the fact that being a celebrity, you don’t get much peace and quiet. she answered the questions one at a time no, I haven’t quit acting she told him and no, I am sorry but I am not the girl for you, as you don’t really know me. maybe if you actually worded what you said with wanting to get to know me before jumping right in with that line I would have considered, but right now I am not dating, I don’t even care if you go to the press with that either she said. this was so much more hard work than she imagined. She then turned her attention to the one guy in the bar who hadn’t made any comments about her, he’d barely said a word. he was mysterious and most of all to Lola’s delight he kept his mouth shut. she was grateful of that, but she couldn’t just come right out and say it, could she? well actually she could, this was Lola after all and she was known for often saying what she thought. hey err, thanks for not making a big deal, you know? she said softly to him. she had noticed that he must have recognised her, yet he hadn’t said a word, hadn’t asked for her autograph or a date. he was rather attractive but it would take a lot more than looks to get Lola to go on a date, and that wasn’t just because of her break up. she needed to know she could trust them and actually get along with them. personality was a big thing in her eyes and most of the men in the bar tonight had made it clear that their intentions were not to get to know her but just to see what her other talents were. Lola was fine talking about sex, she had done in certain interviews when asked and even though she liked to keep things private she would always give a little bit away. she was a role model for teenagers and often got asked on advice for young girls and she always made sure she answered them appropriately. okay she shrugged I won’t force you, it’s just that from experience, if something is bothering you, its always better to talk about it, you know? she said giving him a smile back. she honestly was not trying to pry, she just wanted to help him and she thought that she might be able to listen to him.

tagged: puck | outfit: here | notes: hope you like this!

credit to kara of caution, shine, & atf.

[Puck Ryan Cabell]

God, what a nightmare the place seemed to be tonight. For he once loved the bar for the peace and quiet, a place to dwell his thought. A place he went with no judgment, because everyone had a story around this place and this here bar was a place to get away from your story even if it was only for the night. Even if in the morning, you woke up with a hangover and hated yourself for it. Steve was here to get away from his awful wife that used him for money; he drank away his money a little bit more every night. Jason was in love with a man that would never love him back, a man that was married to his sister, he drank away his heart. Janice hid herself in the back corner away from everyone as she did her whole life because she had always been an orphan; she drank away the idea of having no family. The bar had once been a place they came to get away from misery it seemed the woman behind the counter came to wash away her past for a while but the only difference was she was the center of attention. The media followed her around, prying into her life and even at this bar where people got away from their thoughts she seemed to be stuck. She seemed to be trapped and this bar was not about to be her savior tonight. Tonight this bar was a living nightmare.

He felt a few men pushing on his back, trying to get a closer view of her. A few feet away a man prodded the woman with questions causing Puck to let out an irritated groan. He did not at all blame Lola for these encounters if anything he was disgusted with the pigs that showed up here tonight. When did becoming famous suddenly mean you had no rights in the world? It had always been something that rubbed him in the wrong way when he passed by magazines in the store, their lives plastered all over the front pages of the papers. People actually buying into this rubbish, acting as if they had every right to judge the person. A person they didn't even know, Puck had never been one into celebrity gossip, they were after all only people. Just sitting in this bar with this overwhelming amount of questions thrown at the girl, and the filth hitting on her made him very much uncomfortable, he would never be able to withstand being in the public eye. How famous people managed to stay under control was beyond his beliefs. He would probably have a mental break down.

Swirling the rum inside his cup he took a small sip, and downed it to the back of his throat. His mind started to ramble off into his own mind away from the woman, and the situation at hand until she confronted him again. Being approached by her had taken him slightly off-guard as he nodded his head, "No big deal," he shrugged. Slightly cocky of her to assume every person in the bar was going to be wanting to pay attention to her, but then he remembered what had happened earlier and supposed he would be grateful for someone to treat him normal, if he had ever became famous. Not that he was treating her in any particular way, the man had hardly said a sentence to her, and he was being thanked for that? He supposed she had every right to be cocky in the sense of people annoying her, and watching her every move. The normal amount of people in this bar consisted of maybe ten people but nearly all the tables were filled tonight, and it could not have just been a coincidence. Which made him conclude with she probably just liked that she had one person in the bar not gawking at her.

He let out a small sigh, shaking his head at her. Glancing up at her he spoke to her again, briefly, "I've had to talk about it the past three years, i'm honestly just tired of talking..." honesty seemed to be the way he was handling her. Why had she really cared to ask him anyways? Did the woman not have better things to occupy her time with rather than dealing with some depressed customer sitting at a bar, drinking his sorrows away. "But, thank you," he politely told her, giving her a soft smile. He had no intention of coming off rude, he just did not feel like expressing his emotions to a total stranger, no matter if she was Lola who many would often act as if they knew just from her being famous. Besides with all these people around...he was less adapt to spill his heart and soul to her. He came to the bar to get away from his problems, drink them away, not sit and cry about them. Even if on his rare occasion this happened a long with Steve, Jason, or Janice all of which learned his story, as he learned theirs in the past few years.

what you doin' wastin' your time on that prat, doll. a man came up slamming himself into Puck's back clearly drunk, when you can be wastin' that time on me, already wasted on that ol' fiancee of yours

"Really!?" Puck breathed out, clearly annoyed by all the commotion of the evening at this point. He turned to look at the man giving him a look of disgust, "Why don't you just back off..." it seemed this was the man that finally hit a short nerve inside Puck. He could only sit back and listen to filth coming out of scummy men's mouths for so long before he just had to grit his teeth and tell them to sod off. He wasn't the type of man to pick a fight, or give much confrontation to situations that pissed him off, but with a little alcohol, mixed in with the loss of his love over the years he was more apt to speak his mind. This was one of those situations.

[/justify]

[Lola Emilia Jefferson]

repair these broken wings

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image: url(http://i758.photobucket.com/albums/xx223/ka7raelizabeth/3346431062_dc458bf3d0-1.jpg); width: 388px; padding-top: 20px; padding-bottom: 20px;] Lola very occasionally wished that she could be normal, have a normal life away from the press and she even wondered what it was like being a normal child. truth was that she had never had a normal life, and she probably never would because of who she was and her father. her mother was some groupie that could care less about her and her sister and she pretty much hated her with a passion and never wanted to see her. she’d never discussed the subject of her mother in full with anyone apart from her best friend. she briefly mentioned her to her father when she was a child but soon stopped when she got into her teen years and realised she really was not worth thinking about. she and her sister had never really discussed in detail because she felt her sister didn’t want to talk about it. the girls had always been extremely close and told each other everything. she loved her sister even though they were very different. Lola had always been much louder and a party girl whereas her sister was much quieter. She didn’t want to be famous or even well known. Lola did feel bad for her because of this, but it was their dad who was famous before her. Lola didn’t answer. she couldn’t force him to speak out about his problems and she wasn’t going to force him by any means because that wasn’t what she was about. she had never really been one to talk about feelings with people, but wasn’t that what bartenders did? she shook her head eventually that’s okay she shrugged I am just new at this job, I thought bartenders were meant to help people with their problems, as well as getting them a drink, you know….part of the job description she said trying to make a joke of it. sorry that wasn’t funny was it? she sighed. I really want to quit this job already she told him. he had been just about the one person who had not stared at her constantly or made some comment about who she was and she appreciated that. she could tell he knew who she was and yet he was playing it cool. at least some people could be normal, it gave her hope….but in all honesty getting a bar job had been a really bad move on her part and she hadn’t been thinking straight. yes she wanted to lay low, but if she wanted to lay low she should have just not got a job and stayed inside, a bit like a recluse…..Lola knew she wouldn’t be able to do that though, she wouldn’t be able to stay inside for a long period of time, the same place…how dull and boring. at least with acting she would be having fun right now and doing something she truly loved and not being someone she couldn’t be like she was right now. Lola didn’t know why she suddenly expressed herself like that and now she felt a little bit embarrassed. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. she was sure that he didn’t want to listen to her problems but honestly it felt like what she needed right now, someone who didn’t actually know her, who wasn’t going to judge her and who wasn’t a shrink. she wasn’t crazy in any means but she just wanted to let it all out. she felt like she needed to talk….about him but she wasn’t going to go to a newspaper or a gossip magazine and she would be very careful who she spoke to. yes she had spoken to her sister about it, of course she had, but it wasn’t enough, she needed to rant right now and say how much she missed New York, how she wished she wasn’t working the ‘shitty’ job right now and how she wanted to be working on a movie set instead. she already missed acting and she hadn’t even been out of it for like, two minutes. she wanted to go back to her old life, not completely but partly…..she was sure she would get used to Florida but she did not want to just work in the bar. that was just not her at all. When the guy made the comment Lola looked over. the guy was big and bulky, he could probably take anyone out but she wasn’t going to stand for that in the bar, maybe she would be able to get herself fired somehow, but deep down she didn’t want to get fired really. maybe this way she could meet one of the local guys and get friendly with the other locals, it was a good chance for her to try and be normal for just a little while. the hype surrounding her working there would dye down soon enough. Lola went round the bar and over to the two men I don’t appreciate people coming in and telling me that she said bravely. She half expected him to hit her, but at least if that happened he would probably be arrested, if not for assaulting her but for being drunk and disorderly. the guy hasn’t done anything to you, please just leave it she said. the guy didn’t seem like he would do though and leaned even closer to her so that she could even taste his fagash mixed with alcohol breath. she had to wift her hand around a little to get the smell away. you know its true the guy said. Lola turned round and decided to ignore him, walking back round to the bar, but he followed her and brought her back round to face him. Ignoring people is rude he said to her so is having bad breath she commented but regretted it and quickly went behind the bar. she would probably call the police soon if he didn’t leave her alone.

tagged: puck | outfit: here | notes: hope you like this!

credit to kara of caution, shine, & atf.

[Puck Ryan Cabell]

Everyone in the world seemed to be suffering from some situation in their past. The past was often meant to stay right there and not travel to the future with someone. Many quotes expressed how the past should not foresee the future. The past did not define a person, nor make them who they are today, or in the future. How does someone just pretend the past never existed? Certain situations or events in a person's life may be easier to leave in the past. Puck's past was not one to be forgotten in his eyes because he felt as if he let go of the past, he let go of her. Would his love even be considered true if he let the past go? Was he allowed to even do such a thing? These questions seemed to haunt him a little bit each day. As the days went on, he questioned them less for he could not forever dwell, or what would be the point of living? It still did not make the questions leave entirely. He assumed it never would because then he felt like he was betraying his past love. Many told him it was time to move on, not dwell, for Sara would not want the man to suffer. He believed this with his heart fully on the suffering aspect because Sara was very much keen on making others happy, not in pain. With her death, she would have never wanted Puck to have suffered as long as he had. It was a day by day process getting over his past with her, one step forward, somehow always ending in two steps back.

He understood others suffered like he had before. Other's loved ones passed away, and they moved on. He was sure people have heard sad stories before, some sadder than his, others not as sad rather the person would claim it was the saddest story or not. The woman was nice enough to volunteer her friendly ear to listen to his problems. It was her first night as a bartender after all, and she seemed to want to gather up the real feel of the job. It seemed impossible with the crowd surrounding her, and he assumed the main reason she questioned him was for the sake of the way he treated her. He did not treat her as some famous celebrity; he simply treated her like a bartender. Eventually, her questions of how he was, how others were, would subside. She would soon get annoyed with people coming to her with their problems. His talks with the previous bartender made him fully understand how annoying the job can be after a while. The old bartender was very sympathetic towards thoughs that deserved it, Puck being one of those. The ones that often came to complain about job, or school, or something tribal the old man would simply laugh, and roll his eyes. He only sought to seek the true heartbreaking stories, not the phonies.

"Oh, it is," he commented quietly, in regards to her job description. It was not actually in the job description but it seemed to have always came with the territory. "Within no time you'll have lost souls telling you things you probably have no real desire to know," it was a little harsh of a way to put it, he was just being completely honest. Puck worked as a Librarian and even in this job field, he had people speaking to him about items he had no real desire to know. Of course, they were a little less emotional then the ones at the bar. It often resulted in book conversations which he often loved but occasionally he got the whiny student. The student would expect him to do everything for him, find the book, help him with a paper...then they would complain about their assignments, their overload. If only these kids understood that high school was where one really had it easy. Once you were in the real would responsibility kicked in and it wasn't school you worried about, it was life. It was where are you going to live, can I pay the bills, will I get the job? Not a teacher assigning too much homework. Certainly, Puck stressed in high school but he would give anything to be back there, soaking in the sun with his girlfriend, getting straight A's, and simply being a kid again. Not this adult shit.

"It won't be so bad if it wasn't for these assholes, I assure you..." taking a sip of his booze, he rolled his eyes. It was clear he was just as disgusted with all these men as she was. Just when he thought the noise from the filthy men in the bar died down, that ruddy man spoke up again. Who kept insisting to hit Puck in the back, as he made disturbing remarks at Lola. For being a very non-conferential person, this was getting on the last straw for Puck. It did not help he was a bit boozed up, then again, over the past three years he did start developing a slightly more aggressive nature.

His hand was wrapped around his glass tightly, as he gritted his teeth, "Could you just leave." was the words that escaped his lips, causing the man to slam into Puck. He stood up turning to face the man and slightly shoved him away from him; the man was getting in Pucks face. "Back off," this was not a common situation for Puck to be in but before he knew it the man was slamming his fist into Pucks face as a crack was heard, causing Puck to tumble down onto the ground, clearly never one for fights...

[/justify]